Out of all four of us, I was hands down the most reluctant to do this whole "online" dating biz. It took serious convincing, primarily of comments from my roommates such as: "You'll be the ONLY roommate not part of this," or (from Abby) "What? You're too cool?" So...one night I stayed up past 10pm and made a half-hearted profile on eHarmony. Most of the questions I responded with one word (Q: Is there one more thing you'd like to share? A: Nope. OR...Q: What is one thing only your best friends know about you? A: N/A). You get the picture. NOT into it.
From that night, both my matches and my profile have gotten progressively better. My first match was with an old friend from college. I saw his name and said, "Oh wouldn't that be funny if....oh my gosh, oh MY GOSH!" I covered my eyes for a minute, shook my head, and decided to ignore it.
The next day I received a "Closed Communication" (basically a pre-written email) from my friend saying he "chooses to close this communication because we are already communicating outside of eHarmony". That made me chuckle and think about sending one back that said "Please reconsider, I really think we have what it takes", but I didn't. That's the kind of behavior I'm sure Dr. Neil Clark Warren would frown upon.
I took some time tonight to re-look at my personal profile. What kind of message does "Nail Polish and Sour Patch Kids" send when listed in my Top 5 Can't Live Withouts? I mean, it's true I can't live without either one of them, but I'm pretty sure the guys who view my profile see that and think "next". Am I guilty of a shallow profile? I tried to beef it up by switching out nail polish in place of a good book. My car keys (stupid answer anyway) were nixed in place of a strong cup of coffee. Sour Patch Kids stayed in spot #2.
What happens when I actually meet one of these guys and they take one look at me and think, "hmmm...one of your 3 passions is going for a run through the fall foliage? Doesn't look like it...." Or worse, what if they actually SUGGEST a run through the fall foliage? How in the world do I gracefully bow out of that?
I don't know what is better: having a profile that depicts ME (someone who loves God but also shallowly loves clothes and shopping, vampires, nail polish, candy, and celebrities...while also loving poetry, trying new restaurants, going to shows and concerts, reading [anything], traveling [anywhere], a cold beer or a margarita or a glass of red wine or...), or the artsy "Seattle girl" who hikes that all these guys seem to be looking for?
Maybe what I've learned through a night of profile updating is that I barely know myself, yet alone what I want or need in a relationship.
I'm hoping that is something Dr. Neil can help me with.
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I think you should copy and paste your third to last paragraph about who you are into your profile somewhere. That seemed pretty accurate to me!
ReplyDeleteit's ok, I also love God and vampires. Pretty sure as long as it's an appropriate balance, that's all that matters
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