Notes From an eHarm Novice - ABBY

Top 3 Reasons I Joined eHarmony:

1. Someone whom I adore met her almost-fiancé (whom I also adore) on eHarm.
2. My grandma’s 81^st birthday wish (right before she blew out her candles) was that I would “get married and have babies.”
3. I love a good blog.

So here I am doing something I said I would never do. But I'll let you in on a secret (I kinda love it). At first, I felt bombarded by military men (do I really live within 30 miles of Fort Lewis?) and guys who were my height (5’5”). But after a few days and a few dozen “closed” matches, Dr. Neil figured out who I was looking for in “open communication” (meaning we’ve made it through 3 rounds of essentially multiple choice questions) with two guys who appear promising. One of them is out of the country for two weeks doing a humanitarian project (score!) but I hope to go out with him when he gets back. The other one asked me what my “personal style” is tonight. That’s definitely something I’ve never had to express in 250 words or less.

I’m not sure if I’m doing everything right. Can I uncheck “addiction” as one of my 10 “can’t stands” because it goes without saying? Is it wrong to close matches with people I’m not interested in just to clean up my eHarm homepage? Is it bad that I can’t think of the most influential person in my life aside from my parents?

I’m excited to see where this adventure goes. It has already provided some good stories and laughs and an interesting answer to that ubiquitous question: “what’s new?”

Before I go, I want to give the men on eHarmony a few tips:

1. Don’t post a picture of you with your arm around a gorgeous girl. It makes us wonder who she is (sister? ex-girlfriend? daughter?)
2. The self-portraits of you in your bathroom? Not hot.
3. Please, please, please use correct grammar (Your not winning me over).

Apple Cup 1, me 0. - TUCKER

Not much to report on my end… but here’s the story… (don’t get your hopes up). Background story, Friday night handsome 29yo emailed me and asked me to meet up following the Apple Cup (UW Huskies vs WSU Cougars in football for those of you not from Washington). I accepted and responded to the email asking where we should meet and said he could pick. He wrote back with the very passive email saying “well I live in 20 minutes north of the city, and I’ll probably be at a bar up here watching the game, so what do you think of that?”. What do I think of that? I’ll tell you what I think, you can get in your car and come meet me in the city. Anyways, I responded with “well, why don’t we meet halfway”. He said sure, and told me to text him after the game. At about 8pm I texted him asking him what his thoughts were and saying I was up for anything. I quickly got this (probably drunk) text: “tonight prob isn’t gonna work… another night?” Ok let me pause here and say, my evening had been busy, like babysitting all four of my nephews and one niece busy. And I may have smelled like vomit, at least the clothes I was wearing sure did. So, I wasn’t completely crushed by his cancelling the date, but yes, some of my pride was hurt. I thought about responding with, “in your dreams jerk” (or some variation of that), but then the thought crossed my mind that maybe it would be good to play the whole, “whatever, I’m cool, I’m breezy” role. I went with the second responding with, “sure, have a great night. Hopefully the loss wasn’t too hard on you!” (His precious Cougars got shut out 30 to ZIP). He responded with “it was”. Annnnd I haven’t heard from him since. Real winner of a guy there. But I’ll give the guy this, I’d rather him cancel the date because he’s been drinking than agree to meet me all sloshed.
PS. On his profile he doesn’t say what his occupation is, weird right? Under the occupation part he says, “I love my job!”. Well sweet buddy, but I was looking for more of a title or job description here. Anyways, in one of our original email chains I asked him what he did and he responded with “I like to tell people in person what I do… But I do love my job”. Ok. That doesn’t help. I’m sure a strip club manager loves his job too… So now I’m really more curious about what he does for a job more than anything… We’ll see if I ever find out.
No more match.com dates planned for the near future…

Profile Up[DATE]ing - GEORGINA

Out of all four of us, I was hands down the most reluctant to do this whole "online" dating biz. It took serious convincing, primarily of comments from my roommates such as: "You'll be the ONLY roommate not part of this," or (from Abby) "What? You're too cool?" So...one night I stayed up past 10pm and made a half-hearted profile on eHarmony. Most of the questions I responded with one word (Q: Is there one more thing you'd like to share? A: Nope. OR...Q: What is one thing only your best friends know about you? A: N/A). You get the picture. NOT into it.

From that night, both my matches and my profile have gotten progressively better. My first match was with an old friend from college. I saw his name and said, "Oh wouldn't that be funny if....oh my gosh, oh MY GOSH!" I covered my eyes for a minute, shook my head, and decided to ignore it.

The next day I received a "Closed Communication" (basically a pre-written email) from my friend saying he "chooses to close this communication because we are already communicating outside of eHarmony". That made me chuckle and think about sending one back that said "Please reconsider, I really think we have what it takes", but I didn't. That's the kind of behavior I'm sure Dr. Neil Clark Warren would frown upon.

I took some time tonight to re-look at my personal profile. What kind of message does "Nail Polish and Sour Patch Kids" send when listed in my Top 5 Can't Live Withouts? I mean, it's true I can't live without either one of them, but I'm pretty sure the guys who view my profile see that and think "next". Am I guilty of a shallow profile? I tried to beef it up by switching out nail polish in place of a good book. My car keys (stupid answer anyway) were nixed in place of a strong cup of coffee. Sour Patch Kids stayed in spot #2.

What happens when I actually meet one of these guys and they take one look at me and think, "hmmm...one of your 3 passions is going for a run through the fall foliage? Doesn't look like it...." Or worse, what if they actually SUGGEST a run through the fall foliage? How in the world do I gracefully bow out of that?

I don't know what is better: having a profile that depicts ME (someone who loves God but also shallowly loves clothes and shopping, vampires, nail polish, candy, and celebrities...while also loving poetry, trying new restaurants, going to shows and concerts, reading [anything], traveling [anywhere], a cold beer or a margarita or a glass of red wine or...), or the artsy "Seattle girl" who hikes that all these guys seem to be looking for?

Maybe what I've learned through a night of profile updating is that I barely know myself, yet alone what I want or need in a relationship.

I'm hoping that is something Dr. Neil can help me with.

matchy match - TUCKER

Well, I probably should be completely honest and divulge that I have been on both match.com and eHarmony in the past. Obviously I didn't have much success, but just as obvious, I'm not having much success left to my own devices. That being said, the thought of all four of us joining the world of online dating at the same time seemed intriguing.

On my first round on match.com I went out with a number of guys (read: about 10), ate at some really great restaurants, drank some good lattes and put up with a lot of asinine conversation. Alas, I was about to moving out of the state, so the thought of starting a dating relationship just in time to make it long distance didn't seem like a good idea.
Skip forward a year and a half. I was back in town, with a new job as a nurse at a local hospital, and decided, along with the quiet, at times not so quiet, prodding of my oldest sister to join eHarmony. While I did enjoy the "free personality test", I only met one man the whole three months I was on the site. Seriously? ONE? I'd have better luck in Belltown. Regardless, while this guy was a great catch on paper, things just didn't click on my part.

This brings us to the present. Back on match.com. Wow. That's a sentence I never thought I'd have to say.

Since starting my subscription on match.com (or as match said, "welcome back!"... DEPRESSING) on Wednesday evening, I've received a number of winks, IMs and emails. While I don't have quite the stories that Andy is boasting about (see: An Elementary Education), it is amazing how many of these guys use common pick up lines to start a conversation. I've received several "wow, you have a great smile" and one "You are so Cute that I wanted to Say Hi" (capitalization left in it's original form). One person said that I seemed to have a good head on my shoulders. Well thanks (Dad).

On match.com it's up to you or the guys to contact each other. This brings in the Wink factor. I have been faithfully winking at people, basically making the first move. However, I haven't received many winks back. Nothing makes you feel uglier than getting shot down by an unreciprocated e-wink.

But, in the midst of the clutter are some really quality guys. I've been chatting with one handsome 29 year old who seems pretty great (besides being a Coug, sorry Crystal). We are meeting up for a drink tomorrow evening. Details to follow.

Let's Hear it for the Girls

Welcome to life at the tail end of 2009. Dating life, that is. Please meet four roommates: Tucker, Abby, Andy, and Georgina.* We're all very pleased to meet you, although at times it may not feel like it. Dating is never easy, even for fab twenty-somethings in a metropolitan city.

The Players:

• Tucker: a 27 year old nurse. Loves zip up hoodies and ballet flats.
• Andy: a 25 year old architectural designer. Loves red lipstick and mid-century furniture.
• Abby: a 24 year old fundraising rockstar. Loves micro brews and new restaurants.
• Georgina: a 25 year old fund development extraordinaire. Loves high heels and a good Sour Patch Kid.

For years, our moms and dads have been telling us what catches we all are, and how one of these days we will get snapped right up by Mr. Right. Have they been lying to us all along?

Here we are, ten, fifteen years later, and we still have not been "snapped up". Generally satisfied with our lives - friends, families, and jobs - we're just looking for someone to share it with. Or at the very least, someone to fill the time - other than pets (read: a cat).

The Game:

This is where our little "experiment" comes in: for the next three months, four roommates will get on two different online dating sites...for one ultimate goal.

FINDING OUR HUSBANDS.

No, only kidding. One Giant Experiment. We want to see if, with Dr. Neil Clark Warren, you actually do "experience a difference". We want to see if it really is "okay to just look".

Some initial impressions on both sites:

• eHarmony moves a lot slower than Match. Abby and Georgina are both on eHarmony, and are still in just the initial communication stages. It seems pretty intentional to actually "start communication" with someone. It also seems pretty harsh to "end communication". For me, I received a closed message from a guy who said he wished to end communication with me because he was pursuing another relationship. Although we had never even exchanged "first questions" I still went "hmph" a little and took it personally.
• Match has more of a "meet at a bar" feel. You're able to search through hundreds of guys in order to find one who is visually appealing to you. They do, however, send five daily matches which you are able to sift through. Also, they have an email component which both Tucker and Andy have been utilizing already...and on top of that there is an IM feature. Feedback from this feature is that it is kind of annoying.

It's really up in the air which one is more successful at this initial stage. Match sent Tucker and Andy directly into email communication with tons of different guys, whereas Abby and Georgina are more cautiously sending questions back and forth with just a few select people. But let's all be honest: this is more action than any of us have gotten in a long time.
Stay tuned for Saturday's post. Andy has her first date with a match guy, and if past dating experiences foreshadow anything...it should be a doozy.

*Names changed from our own to our past (or current) favorite pet. So...we're not really protecting their identities...

DISCLAIMER: While this experiment is funny and we may from time to time poke fun at some of the dates we go on, this is not to falsely misuse any sort of social network and is entirely malice free. We are simply four girls who have tried everything else - it's the grapefruit diet of dating.